Can I Admit How Clueless I Am?

Can I do that? Is that okay?

I started taking my writing "seriously" six years ago.  I've read lots of writing memoirs. Attended Cons and Workshops. Worked on my Creative Writing MA. Sought advice from established writers, talked hours of shop with peers, listened earnestly to mentors as they impressed upon me the importance of doing this and not doing that...

And, yes.

Sigh.

I gave advice.

Just because I sold a few shorts stories (and I use the word "sold" kindly.  They were semi-pro payment stories in collections).  Wrote a novella.  Edited a poetry anthology (still in the works) and edited the Halloween issue of Shroud.  So I thought I was all that.  In the position to give advice.

It's only been the last year or so that I've realized any advice I probably gave was either misguided, misinformed, or flat out wrong.  I've been working to divest myself of preconceived notions about lots of things - like digital and POD self-publishing, for example - simply because that was one thing on a list of many things that folks who "knew" better told me "not" to do.  I just received Robert Swartwood's Man of Wax. Richard Wright's Cuckoo and Glen Krisch's upcoming Nothing Lasting will be next, because I'm going to confront this self-publishing thing head on: if these three works pass muster (which I have a feeling they will), a re-ordering of my ideas will be in order.

Which doesn't mean I'm giving up traditional publishing.  Robert Swartwood himself cautioned in a recent comment here that "just because you CAN self -publish, doesn't mean you SHOULD."  It does mean, however, that I need to start from scratch.  Throw everything I thought about writing out the window, and start anew with the ONLY two things about writing that I know for sure:

1. I love writing and will never stop
2. I want people to read my writing

Anyway, no more advice.  Actually, some advice about what advice not to give, from Nick Mamatas, which sparked this blog. Because other than those above two things, I know NOTHING about this whole thing, anymore.

But that's okay, because those two things are enough. 

Phillip Tomasso: Suspense Novelist: On Writing . . . I Suppose

Phil Tomasso is a kindred spirit to me in many ways. He and I share the same feelings about not personally liking to read the digital format itself, but understanding the necessity of writers taking advantage of this new venue. Anyway, you should follow his blog. You should read his books. His writing is fun, fast, furious, and entertaining. If you're into faith-oriented fiction, you should read his only foray into that venue, The Molech Prophecy, under his pen name Thomas Phillips.

Most of all, Phil is STILL writing. He's suffered some ups and downs in his career, is trying to climb back in the saddle, but at this point, he's motivating by the purest of all motives: the writing itself.

Phillip Tomasso: Suspense Novelist: On Writing . . . I Suppose: I don't know. Been having a rough time with writing. Not the actual writing part. But watching everything change in the publishing world. No...

Trying To Work Out My Digital Age Issues

Don't know if you've noticed it, but I have some "digital age issues".

I'm not a fan of either the ebook, Kindle, Nook, or any of the other options.  In my wrong-headed, irrational way, all I want to read is a BOOK printed on paper.  In fact, I can confess to going on a book-buying tear this whole past year in response to an irrational fear that soon enough, book stores and new paper books will die out completely. 

Now, that probably won't happen for a real long time.  In this case, we can thank POD (print on demand) technology.  It gives most folks an option to buy either the digital or print version. BUT, many new authors or even some of my fav's are popping out new digital-only works, which leaves me out of luck, because I just don't want to read anything on an ereader.  Call me stubborn, backward, romantic, I really don't care.  

If I had a choice between an instant-download, .99 ebook and a $10 used book I had to hunt around for, had to wait to have shipped to me...I'll take the second option, every single time.

Also, I'm not a fan of the new self-publishing craze, which the digital ebook craze has kicked into high-drive, overgear, with an addendum: authors who have proven themselves as good writers, okay.  Authors who are trying to get out-of-print works back into circulation, definitely.  Not to offend, but unproven authors who've never published anything anywhere else? Sorry,  not a fan.

But as a young writer facing his own uncertain publishing future in a publishing world that has become more and more uncertain, I HAVE to face the fact of digital publishing.  And doing so doesn't mean giving up on traditional or print publishing.  But facing it, examining, seeing if it can be used to expand my reader-base (nearly non-existent as it is)....

Here's the thing.

I don't own either a Nook or Kindle.  Doubt I ever will.  Maybe I'll get an Ipad someday.  But the idea of reading a digital book does nothing for me.  So is there something wrong with self-publishing digital content then asking folks to read me in a format I don't prefer myself?

Again: I'm not against being published digitally.  I'd like to be available to folks in all formats.  Case in point, Shroud is working on getting Hiram Grange e-books ready to go, and that's cool. That way, options are open.

But trying to build a platform on self-published digital content, when I'm not sure how I feel about it myself?

Seems like a conflict of interest. Or cheating.  Or something.

Of course, blogs like this make the issue even harder to ignore.  Say what you want about Brian Keene, I've come to place that when Brian talks, I believe all young writers should buck up and listen.  And I'm listening.  And he makes an excellent case, talking about ebooks and authors like Robert Swartwood, who are pioneering their way into the digital self-publishing field.

Cases like Robert's and author Mike Duran's (self-publishing a novella that couldn't find a home anywhere) have really set me to thinking.  I don't think I'd ever want to abandon traditional publishing, because somewhere, at some point, I WANT that publisher's seal of approval.  I WANT to know that what I've written has passed muster at Abbadon Books, Angry Robot Books, Apex Publications, Medallion Press, Samhain Publishing, Cemetery Dance, Thunderstorm Books. 

But maybe...if you've got really good beta readers who are gonna call you out, push you hard to write the best story you can and not crap...if you've got access to professional editors and cover artists to do a bang-up job...maybe a platform could be built....

Except I'm not a fan of digital itself.  For example, if he's got Brian Keene's stamp of approval, I'd like to check out Robert Swartwood's work....except it's all digital.  Which I have no interest in.

So how could I turn around and ask readers to buy into that format?

I'm probably just turning myself into useless knots over the whole matter.  BUT, I'm nearing the end of a "work for hire" project that will take me through the ropes of digital self publishing - both print and Kindle - for the first time.  And for a reason, I think (other than the fact I'm getting paid).  But the question is, what to do with this new knowledge?

Still figuring it out.  Push comes to shove, I'd probably go Mike Duran's route.  After intense critique and editing, publish a novella I'd like to see get out there in both print and digital formats. But I'm still figuring that out.  Still fighting with myself.

Still wondering if maybe, even if I've got the talent, if I've got the spirit to figure all this out and find my place in publishing...

Semi-Occasional Pimping Of Myself: Where You Can Buy My Writing

Here's my once in awhile post of "there's some stuff out there with my writing in it".  Most of you know this already, but every now and then I get some new blog and Facebook and Twitter followers, so I like to throw this list out there. I talk about writing a lot, I write every day, and yeah...I have had a few things published. 

First of all, the fiction.  The best thing to pick up is Hiram Grange & The Chosen One, simply because it's the best example of whatever it is I do.  Definitely horror/adventure/dark fantasy, and to date, what I consider my best work (my most recent stuff has been accepted, but not published as of yet).  Here's a synopsis:

Hiram Grange doesn’t believe in fate. He makes his own destiny. That’s a good thing, because Queen Mab of Faerie has foreseen the destruction of the world, and as usual… it’s all Hiram’s fault. He must choose: kill an innocent girl and save the universe… or rescue her and watch all else burn. Just another day on the job for Hiram Grange. 

So there's tentacled, Lovecraftian horrors; maggots, faeries, and a girl in peril. And lots of explosions, too.  Here's my favorite blurb:
 
Brilliantly paced and with very few moments for the reader to stop and catch their breath, Hiram Grange and the Chosen One is an adrenaline drenched jaunt through the realms of horror, fantasy and dark humor. Violence and gore abound, presented expertly by Lucia in a way that not only shows his raw talent, but the ruggedness of Hiram’s character as well. - Apex Publications

I have some free-reads, too.  Check those out, and share.

The rest of my short fiction is here. I'd say the best of those stories (again, there are some good ones waiting in the wings) is "Lonely Places", published in the third edition of The Midnight Diner.

I've done my time as editor.  One of those projects is still in the waiting, but one you can get now is Shroud Magazine's 10th issue, The Halloween Special. Packed full of great Halloween fiction and nonfiction.

Now, I've written some nonfiction, also....though I haven't seen any of that published in awhile.  Oddly enough, it's all fallen into the inspirational market. (a study in contrasts, am I).  Anyway,  these are stories about my family: our life, faith, and some of the trials we've faced raising a child with autism. They're not preachy, in any way.  Just about how faith has worked in our lives. 

And there you have it.  Filled my self-pimping quota for a few more months, at least....

Post Run Blog #1

I'm back running again.  Was running pretty frequently about a year ago, until a variety of things forced me to quit for awhile. But, starting today, I'm back on the horse, running at least once or twice a week.

And I love it.  Which is ironic, because I've got bad feet.  Collapsed arches. And I feel a moderate amount of pain every single day when I walk.  Thing is, my feet have hurt since high school.  

Through four years of football, basketball and track.  And through four years of college basketball.  And then through...how many?....ten years of pickup basketball, men's leagues, mowing the lawn, etc.

And I'm used to it. Hurting feet means working out. Being in shape.  Active and fit, and running.   

And I love it.

Not sure if this healthy or not.  But the pain is always there, and I just deal. 

Because I've come to love running.

In our darkened high school gym.  Jamming to the tunes.  Shadow-boxing every other lap. Not kidding myself, won't be entering any marathon's any time soon.  I run to keep in shape, but also to zone-out, to try and beat down all the stuff brewing inside me that needs beating down.

It can be a spiritual experience. So I'm hoping to start a series of post-running blogs.  As everything around here, we'll throw that against the wall and see if it sticks.

Today was my first day back running in over a year. 20 laps, no stopping, a wind-down walk lap at the end, and then a "gut-check" sprint lap.  Again, I'm not kidding myself.  Not a marathon runner, here.  But halfway through, I sorta lost count how many laps I'd run. And didn't feel like stopping any time soon.

That's never a bad thing...

Where's my voice?

Home with Madi today because she's got a nasty cold - but otherwise fine - so taking the moment to blog. BUT, I had to opt out of the blog simmering on my head.  Consisted mostly of ranting and complaining and whining about stuff I've already complained about before.  

And I didn't feel like going there. So I checked out, whipped up some homemade blueberry pancakes (made the mix from scratch, 'cause that's how we roll around here), doused them in maple syrup, demolished my new diet in about thirty minutes, but came out a lot sweeter in the end.

And hit someone's else blog that really highlights what I believe is my greatest hurdle as a writer, what I believe separates the men from the boys, also determines what I'll read and what I won't.

And that's voice. 

This is especially pertinent when it comes to my short stories.  Technically, I believe they're adequate.  Products of sound writing. 

Yeah.

Right. 

And how many folks want to read adequate stories, anyway? I know I don't.  That's why I very rarely - no offense intended - read work from folks near my level.  I'm an adequate writer.  I know some decent rules, can craft adequate sentences and paragraphs and maybe even a "technically sound"  story.

But I'm struggling for my voice.  And I'm not gonna get that by reading work that's adequate like my own. I'm only going to get it - IF I get it at all - by reading work with VOICE.  Voices of ALL KINDS.   Also, I've turned down a few solicitations lately - which aren't guarantees but at least more-open-than-usual-doors - because even if I'm not sure what my voice is going to be, I knew those submission calls held NO interest for me at all, and I'm guessing just weren't my "voice".  Of course, maybe if I knew what my voice was, I still could've written stories for them in my voice, but seeing as how I'm still struggling with it....

Hiram Grange came closest to my own personal voice.  But, I still feel like that was a "cheat" somehow.  Because Hiram wasn't my character.  Yes, the story was mine but the character wasn't, and it seemed much easier to fill in a pre-determined character with my own take (maybe this will be a good future for me.  Media tie-ins, anyone?  At this point, I'd kill to write a Supernatural novel.  Just sayin).

Anyway.  Voice.  What the heck is it? Here's a good definition from Chuck Wendig's blog, which I just read: 

The writer’s voice is the thing that marks the work as a creation of that writer and that writer only. You read a thing and you say, “This could not have been written by anybody else.” That is voice. 

Wow.  

That's not intimidating at all.

Here's another good tidbit.  A big reason why I've really scaled back my reviews, and something I wish - even though everyone has their own preferences - reviewers and blurbers would be more honest about:  

That being said, bad writing is bad writing. 

So how do you get voice?  This advice is probably the best ever, one of the things I think could potentially be hurt the most by the new "self-publish everything digitally as quick as I can" craze: 

1. Voice is a component of practice and maturity.
2. You cannot artificially and prematurely discover your voice. 
3. Writers must cultivate patience (or perhaps patience’s rude and grumpy cousin, stubbornness).  

You’ll get there. Your voice will come.  

And here's something I'm constantly worried about doing myself, especially given my new loves of Norman Patridge and Charlie Grant: 

You can try to trick your voice into appearing early, try to overwrite or use purple prose or engage in stylistic flourishes that plum don’t belong. 

Honestly, that last part worries me most.

However, THIS is what I hope is happening now: 

Eventually we stop miming the style of others, but along the way we still break off parts of other authors and graft them to our own styles. Some parts must be kept. No harm in that — we shouldn’t be upset with our influences. Why turn away from those who got us here? Those whose voices mattered most? As long as their voice does not take over our own, we’re good. It’s okay if we are in part the culmination of other voices. Like I said before: the art is in the arrangement.   

This part, I need more of in my writing: 

Your voice is also who you are. How you bleed and spit and scream on the page. You are your voice. Your voice is you.

Anyway.  That's where I am, now.  Trying to develop my voice.  And there's only one sure way to do that: keep reading and keep writing.

Luckily, my two favorite things to do....

Moral Heroes With Codes

This is a re-attempt at a blog that sputtered and failed right before New Year's.  Because I was getting too philosophical with it, I think.  Anyhow, I've pared my ideas down and am ready to re-approach this from a simplified angle.

I used to be a huge Dean Koontz fan.  After a year or so of consuming nothing but Stephen King in an orgy of discovery, I did the same with Koontz.  Soon after would be Peter Straub, when I began to mature a little in my reading tastes.

Anyway, one thing I always liked about Koontz: his protagonists possessed solid moral compasses.  And that jived with me, because let's be honest: my upbringing in a blue-collar, hard working, lower-middle class Christian, traditional family has made me who I am today.  Now, other things have shaped me as well - including a really nasty, dark spread in my college and post-college years, which taught me the endless depths of sympathy and empathy for my fellow human beings - but that solid foundation still lives at the core.

But about four years ago I realized that saying I read and wrote "horror" when I'd only read King, Koontz and Straub (and a smattering of John Saul, but his stuff never really 'took' with me) was somewhat of a misnomer.  I began opening my horizons, sampling all the new stuff coming from Leisure Fiction, checking out some small press titles - especially Cemetery Dance - hitting the used book store and Amazon.com pretty hard to stock up on the classic stuff.  

And WOW, was it worth it.  Discovering new AND old writers, like Robert Dunbar, T. M. Wright, Greg Gifune, Ron Malfi, Charles Grant, Norman Partridge, John Farris, Mary Sangiovanni, Rio Youers, J. N. Williamson, Nate Kenyon, Gary Braunbeck, F. Paul Wilson, Mort Castle, Manley Wade Wellman, Norman Prentiss, Tom Piccirilli, Tim Lebbon, Tom Monteleone, the Whispers and Shadows collections...and way too many more to name...has left an indelible mark upon me.

Somewhere along the line, I left behind Dean Koontz.  Stephen King, too, although I still periodically hit him (I LOVED Duma Key.)  But Koontz had become "passe", according to lots of sources.  On message boards, in other writers' opinions and in Amazon reviews, I saw - and maybe I guess believed - the following, that Dean Koontz had:

1. sold out, writing only for money now
2. lost his edge, and was now too preachy
3. wrote unrealistic characters who were too black and white, too GOOD and too EVIL
4. was a formulaic writer who hadn't written anything new in awhile, just copying the same old format
5. had sold out, writing only for money, now

And yeah, let's be honest - some of Dean's recent novels have felt thin (though, when you've written as much as he has, I think you're allowed a few of those).  I'm not sure if it was that, or if I really bought all the above things or not, but for awhile, I veered away from Dean.  Wanted to be a "good little protege" (though I don't really have a mentor), and listen to all the advice I'd been given, stay abreast of the trends.

But I've returned to Dean Koontz, realizing how important his writing and themes are to ME, as writer.

Regardless of what anyone thinks of him.

See, entering the publishing world, soaking up all the knowledge you can, taking advice from those wiser than you, is a lot like high school (in more ways than one), in that at the beginning, you soak up EVERY bit of information you possibly can, take all the advice you can, chuck all your preconceptions so you can learn on a blank slate.

But then, as you grow, you reach a point where you follow advice selectively, picking what suits you, meshing what you've been told and taught and advised with who YOU are. Because in the end, every writer has their own, unique, personal journey.

So, I've returned to Dean Koontz.  Realized how much I really DO love his idealism, because that is who I am.

I'm an idealist.  And proud of it.  In as dark a world as we're living in today, I'm not sure how I'd survive if I weren't.   And for me, writing horror doesn't make sense without being an idealist.  There are LOTS of reason for writing horror (not the least of which that it's great FUN) but I want to write horror to further enhance the light.  I want characters to endure horrors and terrible hardships to further highlight their survival.  Maybe not happy endings, because we don't get those in life, do we?

But just one spark of hope.  Just one.  A glimmer of light, even in the darkness.

So, heroes with moral codes.  Dean offers them, in spades.  So does F. Paul Wilson in Repairman Jack, although Jack's a little more edged and flawed than some of Dean's characters - but Jack STILL believes in doing the right thing.  Even if he's confused about what that is sometimes, it's his internal, moral code.  

Norman Partridge's characters are often the same, a little further down the continuum from Koontz, but still...many of his heroes are driven men.  With codes.  Ironically enough, a good example from Norman's work is another Jack - Jack Badalach, former light-heavyweight champion of the world.  Jack's not perfect and of a highly constructed moral fiber like a Koontz character, and maybe a little less driven than Repairman Jack, but he's got a code.  Things are done because be believes in something.  

Silver John, of Manley Wade Wellman, he's another one.  And, ironically, my favorite Brian Keene character, Levi Stolfus. They all believe in something.

And let's be honest, though I don't use this blog as a pulpit: I believe in something.  A lot of somethings.  So, in the end, my characters are going to believe in something, too.  Even if we are living in a largely post-modern world in which everyone questions if "right and wrong" even exist, anymore...because it's just who I am.

It's funny.  I see myself developing as a hybrid writer.  I really love the style of Charles Grant, T. M. Wright, and Norman Partridge - but I love the themes and characters of Dean Koontz, F. Paul Wilson and, once again, Norman Partridge.  Of course, I love the myth-making of Neil Gaiman, too.  

Wonder what else I can toss into the stew....